Kung Fu Griping

For the past 2 weeks I have been in a martial arts academy in the mountains of China. Life here is very enjoyable in some aspects, and less so in others. The academy is a little like a boarding school with about 50 pupils, 6 'masters' and 4 translators. I share a small room with an american/arab who wears a cowboy hat and prays 3 times a day. The 3 toilets on my floor are shared between 25 guys and the plumbing is basic so... you get the idea. Meals are eaten in a food hall when the bell goes and is always rice, served in a big pot at the end of the room , and 5 plates of chicken, egg and vegetables in one combination or another. Apparently the food used to be terrible but is now quite nice... if you like chicken and rice.

Training is done either in the academy or at the temple which is a short walk up a steep hill. The temple has about 60 stairs which lead up to it and is exactly what you would imagine it to be like from any kung fu film you have seen. There is a platform at the temple where we practice and it has views of the mountains in the national park (http://www.chinatravelguide.com/ctgwiki/Kunyu_Mountain_National_Forest_Park).

If I had to choose anywhere to get the shit kicked out of me, it would be there. Training is split into groups under different masters depending on what you want to learn. My group has another scottish guy, an australian, an englishman, a hyper-active 16 year old brazillian and a guy from oman. Our master, or sheefu, in chinese, is Wong Sheefu, who speaks very little english but manages to get his point across by kicking us or shouting one of the 3 phrases he does know, 'more power!', 'punch' or 'kick'. Although that is just as good as my mandarin which includes 'hello', 'this one' and 'thank you'. The training includes a lot of running, a lot of stretching (including power stretching where you stretch as far as your body allows in a certain place and 1 or 2 people will stand/push on you to stretch you until you scream... then hold it for 30 seconds), conditioning (where a part of your body gets hurt lots by people hitting it and the theory goes that next time it won't hurt as much - Im still to see results), kung fu forms (punches, kicks etc), meditation (which on friday was sitting in shorts on a rock in the middle of a stream for an hour in 30 degree heat. Relaxing until the sun burn comes out), Power training, weights and sparring.

(This is a picture of my Sheefu (master) putting

his kung fu skills to good use by balancing on the
top of a ladder whilst fixing an electric box)

Every month there is also the chance for people to fight each other in the ring with the whole academy watching. This was on friday and Antonio (the hyper-active brazillian in my group) decided to fight properly for the first time. He was put up against Carlos, they touched gloves and the fight started. Its important to know at this stage that Antonio claims to love kung fu more than his mother (who shipped him off to china for 5 years to study it at the age of 16) and he has an unhealthy obsession with Bruce Lee. So the fight starts and Antonio steps forward, makes a 'whaaaa daaaaaaaaaaa!!!' screaming noise and kicks Carlos in the groin (which isn't allowed). Carlos doubles over and isnt heard from for the next 15 minutes, the whole time of which the entire academy is laughing hysterically.

Yesterday was a day off and i went into the local city (an hour away) called Yantai with 5 other students. We did some shopping then tried to find lunch. We decided that it would be good to try dog. So after telling our taxi driver this and a bit of a wild goose chase we ended up in a weird back alley with lots of animals in cages. Turned out to be a chinese pet store. So after looking at the animals for a while we decided most of us couldn't stomach dog for lunch so went for some silk worm instead (i passed on the silk worm too in favour of the more appealing 'mystery' meat).





After lunch we went to the beach which was packed. We got lots of stares to start with and even more once we started practising our punching and kicking routines in unison. Fortunately most of the stares were directed at Andy who is impossibly muscular, very blonde and has dreadlocks down to his bum. We later had a much deserved pizza hut and headed home. I have another couple of weeks here, then I'm off travelling through china with my limited mandarin and my now extremely full backpack.

P.S. Since writting the above I got back to Andy saying "Did you see the news?!". Confused I took a look at the paper he was waving about and it turned out one of the people taking pictures of us on the beach had been a photographer for the Yantai paper and Andy was on the front cover with a headline that translated as "white people practice chinese martial arts on the beach". Sadly they missed me out of the paper, obviously I wasnt quite 'white' enough for them.

Destroyer the Hairdresser and Cakes made of nail polish

China have censored my blog. This means i dont know what i last wrote so excuse me if i cover old ground. (you may wonder how i managed to post this... thanks mum).
I was in Outer Mongolia about a week ago, so here is a brief summary. Stayed in a traditional ger camp, which is basically a tent/teepee thing. The countryside was nice, squat toilet out houses not so nice... especially in the dark. Curiously though in the middle of the mongolian steppe, miles from anywhere there was a small recreational hall (the only stone building for miles around) and in it was a full size snooker table. The mongolians were giving me all manner of snooker chat, 'did you watch the lastest tournament at the crucible?', 'what do you think of higgins?'. I dont think they were impressed with my knowledge.
I also went horse riding round semi dangerous cliffs (only dangerous when on a very nervous horse), tried some archery, hiked and saw some local yaks and wild horses. Back in Ulaan Baatar city i helped a charity project by digging a hole for an out house with a couple of my fellow travellers. When they told us it had to be 2m deep it was hard to hold back the "what a load of shit!".
After a discussion with Frank (an australian fellow traveller) about his goatee i discovered it had been on for 15 years. Since Frank is only 35 i found this slightly shocking. I agreed to shave my head if he got rid of the beard. We had both been putting this off for a while when we found we had free time. So we headed to a salon stylist place called 'destroyer' which seemed a strange and quite ominous name for a hairdresser. Anyway i got my head shaved and the only thing that was destroyed was my illusions of a perfect hairline. Frank duly followed and shaved his beard (he had it back 3 days later).
After Mongolia i got the train south through the Gobi desert, which was... dry and sandy, into china. On the train it was a girl called kirtys birthday. Someone had kindly bought her a cake and as it was opened a strange smell filled the carridge. Thinking nothing of it and cutting rather generous slices, we tucked in. After one bite it was clear that this cake was not for human consumption. It was filled with acetone (nail polish remover) and tasted, well, like it was filled with nail polish remover. I swallowed one bite and felt ill for the rest of the day. I eventually reached Beijing and have said goodbye to trains and my fellow travellers for the time being. I have made lots of friends and contacts for when i visit australia, so i shouldnt be short of a bed.

Beijing is a great city. The best part about it is the tiny streets called hutongs, which is where people live, sell things, travel through, keep pets, cook etc etc. good fun to walk through. The great wall was pretty great but quite cloudy. Food is great. I leave shortly for Yantai to start my shaolin kung fu training which should be... interesting.
P.S. should you wish to get hold of me, you can call me on my chinese mobile. From a landline, and to get the 1p a min rate, call 0844 861 7878 then listen to the automated instruction and dial 008613141140807. to text, its just +8613141140807... i think. im 7 hours ahead so no joly drunks calling at crazy hours
PPS. The reason the cake was filled with acetone, or so I guess, is that it is an offering for the Bhuddist Temples or Shaman Shrines and it is meant to last for ages and not be eaten. Quite why they have to fill them with sugar and flour I don't know.

For those who are concerned

I had the tick analysed in a lab and it is as healthy as a tick could be. Which means i remain disease free... for now

Ticked off

Sorry it has been a while since my last post but i have been rather busy with trains and... well really just trains... and really just one train. Since i last wrote i have been to Moscow, Suzdal and Listvyanka (on lake baikal). Not much else exciting happened in St Petersburg other than an angry thug man coming up to me and shouting russian in my face whilst making a blade across the throat sign. At this point i was a tad scared and reverted to my britishness by replying loudly and slowly, "Im sorry, i dont speak russian and dont understand you". I turned and walked away as casually as i could and hoped he wouldnt follow. He didnt and my throat is still in tact so... the lesson is, treat all would be muggers with good manners and a polite smile.

Suzdal does not deserve a paragraph. Its not that it was bad, just unremarkable. I would sum it up by saying it was overcast and had more churches in it than you could shake a stick at. (i do realise that by explaining why Suzdal doesnt deserve a paragraph i have given it one but hopefully you will overlook this slight mishap)

Moscow (or to give it its full title to travellers - 'Moscow, the most expensive city in the world') is actually rather nice but niceness only takes you so far when you have to pay six pounds for a starbucks coffee! Red square was nice lit up at night and there were lots of soldiers about. From Moscow i got the train to Irkustk which sounds like a fun old ride. It was four days and nights on a train populated by lots of jolly travellers and no shower. It was not the fun old ride you might imagine. I shared with 3 australians who i am travelling with which was pretty good as i wouldnt fancy sharing with a russian chowing down on borsht and sausage. I read 2 books, wrote in my diary, slept a lot and avoided going to the toilet at all costs. We cracked out the vodka at night which was good but not so great when it came to sleeping on the top bunk of a train which seemed to be going and down hills at an alarming rate. The food was noodles, chocolate and occasionally whatever an old lady was selling by the platform. Often this was mystery pastry. The mystery was usually potato or onions which arent the best in a warm greasy pastry. Needless to say i think i lost weight on the train. The view outside gradually changed between trees, small town, snow, power stations and different types of trees. The Taiga forest of Siberia is twice the size of continental USA (apparently. i didnt measure). The train was a good experience despite possibly leaving me with chronic back pain.

Anyway after arriving in Irkustk we got on a bus (a mere 2 hours as opposed to the 96 of the train) to Listvyanka. Its a small fishing town on the lake baikal which is bigger than all of americas great lakes put together. I stayed in a russian guest house owned by an enthusiatic man called Nicolay. After a good days hike which i went on my own and forgetting a map. I ended up in the forest and climbed a 500m hill (i later checked on the map). This was a good walk although i did get slightly concerned about bears and whittled (if that is indeed the correct verb) a spear - just in case. When i got down the mountain (which didnt have a path... or maybe it did but without a map...) i went into a cafe and kept finding what i thought were little insects in my hair. After quickly finishing my meal to escape the bugs i went back to Nicolays for a banya (which is like a sauna but with an over enthusiastic russian hitting you with birch twigs). It was at this point i noticed one of the insects attached to my hip. Nicolay calmly picked it off (it put up a fair fight) and put it aside, i thought 'if its not big deal to him, its probably fine'. Today i arrived in irkutsk again and the local guide told me that good old nicolay had passed on the tick, in a jar, and she was taking it to a local lab for testing. The test results are still to come back so i have no happy ending for you, or more importantly me, just yet. Although i have had the bill for this service (440 roubles if you wondered - about 8 pounds).

Anyway, im on the train again tonight for about 40 hours to Mongolia. Fingers crossed i dont get struck down with tick bourne encephalitis or any other hard to pronounce, and spell, diseases during the journey.